Money For Nothing, Agents That Are "Free" (New York Giants Football)

March 5th marks the start of the first free agency season without a salary cap for the NFL since 1994. In the simplest terms, the absence of a salary cap means players need to have played at least 6 seasons to become an unrestricted free agent. The three classes of free agency are below.

UFA (Unrestricted free agent)

• Player in uncapped year with six or more accrued seasons whose contract has expired.
• This player may sign a contract with any NFL team, and their previous team gets no compensation in any form.
• The signing period for unrestricted free agents begins in early March and concludes on the first scheduled day of the first NFL training camp (mid to late July).
• If an offer is tendered by the previous team on or before June 1st and the player doesn’t sign with anyone, rights revert to that team after the first scheduled day of training camp.

RFA (Restricted free agent)

• Player in uncapped year with at least three accrued seasons whose contract has expired.
• The signing period for restricted free agents concludes in mid-April
• Previous team can make a qualifying offer to obtain the right of first refusal, the right to match, or the right to be compensated for losing the player.

EFA (Exclusive restricted FA)

• Player whose contract expires at a time when he has fewer than three accrued seasons.
• If his former club makes him an offer at the three year veteran minimum salary, player can take it or leave the NFL. (ouch)

The Giants don't stand to lose a whole lot this offseason, but that doesn't mean they should remain idle. Below is a breakdown of whose contracts have expired along with my thoughts on who they should sign.

New York Giants Unsigned Unrestricted Free Agents:

QB
David Carr 
Re-sign him. He's looked good in mop up duty.

P
Jeff Feagles 
He's the MVP of the team. Hasn't shown any signs of decline in performance.

DL
Fred Robbins 
Ol' Baskin's best seasons were in '06 and '07, but only managed to start 12 games this past season. Sack numbers declined as did tackles. Entering his 11th season, Giants might be wise to look at other options.

LB
Antonio Pierce (CUT)
Sad to see AP go. He definitely has the game down mentally, often successfully counteracting audibles with his own, but I can't stand to watch him get burned by RBs and TEs in coverage anymore.

Danny Clark 
Danny's entering his 11th season in 2010 and didn't inspire me or create any excitement. If he did sign with another team, I think we could find a replacement.

New York Giants Unsigned Restricted Free Agents:


WR
Derek Hagan 
Giants are deep at the receiver position. If Derek receives an offer from another team, we can hope to get a pick out of it.

Sinorice Moss 
He's a nice dude, but I just don't think he'll ever live up to his potential in NYC. Let him sign elsewhere and hopefully get a draft pick for him

OL
Kevin Boothe 
Definitely need to re-sign Kev. Guy stepped in nicely when Seubert went down to injury.

Guy Whimper 
As much as I'd like him to sign with another team so I don't have to see or her his last name, he's a skilled reserve who can fill in when needed. Can we at least try to change his last name? Guy Stomper? Guy Thunderboltstormtrooper? Something. Jeez.

DL
Barry Cofield 
If Robbins departs, it's crucial to re-sign Barry. He's a major force up front, clearing the way for linebackers to stop the run. The entire D is a major concern but if we lose Robbins and Cofield, we could endure another long record-setting season for points scored against and yards allowed.

LB
Gerris Wilkinson 
In four seasons, Kendra's long lost brother has been a staple of the special teams. Giants need to desperately upgrade their linebacking group. There are a ton of LBs out there for the G-men to pull in. Gerris might be a casualty of war.

CB
Kevin Dockery 
Hickory Dickory Dockery is a fan fave. Re-sign!

FS
C.C. Brown 
No one gave me more heartburn this past season than C.C and the Music Factory. He's a shorter version of James Butler. Door's to the left, thanks for comin'.

New York Giants Unsigned Exclusive Rights Free Agents:

KFFL reports the Giants have three, but I didn't find any information on NFL.com. The only player I could see the Giants re-signing is the man below.

RB
D.J. Ware 
When healthy and able to hold on to the ball, he's a nice third option. If he continues down the path he's on, could be watching the games with me at Liberty.

Unrestricted Free Agents (UFAs) The Giants Should Consider:

PK
Neil Rackers, Arizona Cardinals
Guy's been a solid fantasy player and hit 94% of his attempts last year. Career % is 78.2, though - three points lower than Tynes, who continues to frustrate fans with crucial misses in big spots.

Other unrestricted PKs available are Jay Feely (I just had a sweaty flashback to 2005), Shayne Graham (eh), and Matt Stover (retiring?).



RB
Hopefully the running game rebounds from an off year that saw Ahmad Bradshaw hurt for most of the season and Brandon Jacobs fighting off nagging tweaks, bumps, and bruises by running gingerly. I don't think they need to dip into the market for help unless they're looking to dish Jacobs, which is highly unlikely, or Ware doesn't sign, also unlikely. But, just in case...


Chris Brown, Houston Texans
Big dude who could fill in for Jacobs when he ultimately goes down for a couple weeks at a time.


Willie Parker, Pittsburgh Steelers
Fast Willie  might be a great change of pace - his running style differs from Jacobs AND Bradshaw. He could bring the screen pass back into the gameplan as a weapon not a throw away down.


Chester Taylor, Minnesota Vikings
He could do for Jacobs/Bradshaw what he did so well for AP. Give him a breather for a couple series and still help the team move the ball and chew up some clock.


Other noteworthy unrestricted RBs avail are LT (he'll want to be the feature back), Westbrook (concussions/injuries and he was an Eagle, case closed), and Jamal Lewis (you ever play a football game... ON WEED!)

TE
Benjamin Watson, New England Patriots 
Sure we have The Boss Man, but the dude takes a beating and doesn't have the speed that Watson does. Some might consider two pass catching TEs one too many, but if his asking price is modest, I don't see why we'd pass on him.

Other noteworthy unrestricted TEs avail are Alge Crumpler (primarily a blocker), Randy McMichael (not worth the money), and LJ Smith (inconsistent, injury prone). Giants would be better off using that money to sign a top WR if they're looking to improve the offensive side of the ball.


WR
Torry Holt, Jacksonville Jaguars 
Numbers have severely dropped since '07, but I'm a dreamer and my dreams feature him and Steve Smith absolutely cutting up the middle of the field on crossing routes. Hell, I'll take 50-60 catches for 750 yards from the speedy vet.



Other noteworthy unrestricted WRs avail are Terrell Owens (come on, be serious), Muhsin Muhammad (15th season? too risky), Derrick Mason (didn't he retire?), Chris Chambers (no thanks), and Joey Galloway (see Muhammad and Mason).

DL

If the Giants lose Robbins and possibly Cofield, they're in a heap of trouble. Unfortunately, the Pats put the franchise tag on Wilfork, so did the Raiders with Seymour, otherwise those would've been huge pick ups.

It's slim pickens for the interior D-line positions. The G-men could bring William Joseph and Kendrick Clancy back, but the sorority girls aren't exactly clamoring for that duo to wear big blue again.

If the Giants do decide to part ways with Osi, they can either place their confidence in Kiwanuka or bring in a big gun to help take the weight off Tuck's shoulders.

Julius Peppers, Carolina Panthers
I just went from six to midnight thinking about this dude in Giants blue.


Other noteworthy unrestricted DL avail are Jevon Kearse (The Freak is funked), Kyle Vanden Bosch (not impressed), Tank Johnson (G-men prob want to avoid guns after Plax), and Leonard Little (murderer).




LB
The Pierce Era is over and this unit as a whole needs a major overhaul. Picking up 1-2 of the guys listed below would be a GIANT step in the right direction.

Chike Okeafor, Arizona Cardinals

Karlos Dansby, Arizona Cardinals

Aaron Kampman, Green Bay Packers 

Gary Brackett, Indianapolis Colts

Tully Banta-Cain, New England Patriots

Keith Bulluck, Tennessee Titans


CB
Sure, we can blame former Defensive Coordinator Bill Sheridan for the secondary's woes. We can blame the injury bug, which took Aaron Ross, Corey Webster, and Kenny Phillips among others from the lineup. But, it wouldn't hurt to pick up a name cornerman so we can blitz with confidence.

Terence Newman, Dallas Cowboys
Deion Sanders Lite. Has nagging injuries, but could be a great cover guy in the right scheme. Averages 13 passes defended over seven year career and can take any pick to the house.

Leigh Bodden, New England Patriots
18 picks in his 7 year career with a career high 18 passes defended last season.


Dre' Bly, San Francisco 49ers 
43 career picks. Had a down year last season but still managed 3 interceptions and 13 passes defended in only 6 starts.

FS
Darren Sharper, New Orleans Saints
Darren will never sign with the Giants after they told him he was too old the first (or was it second) time he entered the market. They'd have to throw a boat load of green his way to change his mind. Is he worth it? Dude scores every time he intercepts. I'd like to apply the Pat Burrell defense, wouldn't you rather have him on your team and suck then play against you and kill you?

Sean Jones, Philadelphia Eagles
Yes, I know, f*&$ the Eagles, but before joining the Eagles, he had some pretty decent seasons with the Browns in '06 and '07.

Ryan Clark, Pittsburgh Steelers
Giants had him but let him slip away. One of the hardest hitters in the game. I'd take him back in a heartbeat.

Restricted Free Agents (RFAs) the Giants should consider:


PK
Stephen Gostkowski, New England Patriots
85% accuracy in his 4 year career. Plus 21 touchbacks. I honestly don't even know what a touchback looks like following a Giants TD.

WR
Brandon Marshall, Denver Broncos
Giants get this guy, they're winning the Super Bowl. Hands down.

Braylon Edwards, New York Jets 
Questionable hands. Don't see the Jets parting with him, though.

Vincent Jackson, San Diego Chargers
Would be an excellent addition, could prob step in as the #1 or give Steve Smith a run for his money.

Miles Austin, Dallas Cowboys
Was 2009 a fluke? Only time will tell, but if we could steal a weapon as productive as him, it would benefit the team greatly.

TE
Owen Daniels, Houston Texans
In only 8 games he had 40 catches for more than 500 yards. Multiply that by 2 for projected stats. Yeah, he's becoming a premiere tight end. Entering his 5th season. Two TE formations could be a lot more fun if signed.

LB
Elvis Dumervil, Denver Broncos
Want to cure what ails the Giants LB situation? Get this dude. When was the last time we had a LB lead the league in sacks? Lawrence Taylor?


Kirk Morrison, Oakland Raiders
In 5 seasons, he's started every game but one. Hovers around the 100 solo tackle mark every year. I don't know that you need much more convincing than that.

Barrett Ruud, Tampa Bay Buccaneers
After learning from Derrick Brooks and buds his first two seasons, he stepped into the starting lineup for the Bucs and averages about 100 solo tackles per season ever since.


Shawne Merriman, San Diego Chargers
The Giants gave up the pick the Chargers eventually used to get Merriman when they traded Rivers for Eli. What sweet irony it would be to have him land with Big Blue. Don't know if his personality would mesh with the current team chemistry. Plus, since his steroid admission, is he the same dominant player? Do the Giants want his controversy?

SS
Roman Harper, New Orleans Saints
Started every game he's suited up for. Entering his fifth season. Not a ballhawk but is a tackling machine averaging more than 5 solo tackles per game the past three seasons.

FS
Antoine Bethea, Indianapolis Colts
Four year starter with 11 career picks.

Nick Collins, Green Bay Packers
5 year starter with 17 career picks.




As excited as I initially get, I have to remember these are the Giants we're talking about. An organization whose last big free agent signing was in 2006 and that ended with a career-ending torn Achilles. One player doesn't win a championship, but he could be the missing piece of the puzzle the G-men so desperately need after a subpar '09 outing.

Is "Hot Tub Time Machine" Based on Harvey Birdman Episode?

"Hot Tub Time Machine" is set to release March 26th. If you need help with the premise, you might want to look into riding the short bus, but to be polite, it's about four friends who go to a ski lodge, hop in a hot tub, and are transported to the year 1986.

As original as the storyline sounds, it's not. In episode #25 of the Adult Swim cartoon series, "Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law", titled, "Beyond the Valley of the Dinosaurs," titular character Harvey and portly purple hippo-lawyer Peter Potamus hop in a whirlpool and are transported to the Dino Ages. Birdman did it! Birdman did it!

Enough, Facebook! Okay? Just...Enough. (Singles Ads)

I'm tempted to switch my relationship status on Facebook to "In a Relationship" so I don't have to look at these SinglesNet ads anymore.

I used to overlook these ads. Once in a while, there'd be a cute girl and I sneak a peek. And, once in a Blue Moon Witbier, I'd fool myself into thinking maybe, juuuuuuuuuuuust maybe I have a shot with her. But, Jesus Alowicious Chrysanthemum, LOOK at the girl in this ad. I know it's blurry because I had to increase the size a bit, but even through the over-bloated pixels, you can definitively see this girl's ON F****** FIRE! There is not a chance in hell this chick is single. Not even a little bit. Not even like, well, it's complicated and my boyfriend's cheating on me and I think I'm going to end it. No, this chick is locked up for the rest of time. Notice how they cropped the pic so you can't see her left hand. What's on her left hand, SinglesNet, huh?! WHAT'S ON HER LEFT HAND?!

I want to break the thumb of that "Like" hand, I hate this ad so much. You honestly think this chick lives in or around the NYC metropolitan area? You're out of your godd*mn mind! So, F*** Y** SinglesNet and F*** Y** Facebook! F*** Y** for even insinuating I ever had a shot with this girl in a million lifetimes. Please stop serving these ads to me. I'll start dating someone, okay? Anyone. Just please stop.

PS - Not to mention... okay, so I did click on this ad once and I did register for free but you can't chat with anyone on that site for free. So, hope you like lawsuits, SinglesNet. You lying, cheating, heartless, pandering harvester of souls.

Get Katy Perry's Lover To the Godforsaken Greek!

I honestly think more studios should do this - take a lovable character you can stomach and spin that 'ish off into its own movie. Keep doing that until you've almost completely sucked the franchise dry then return to the first main characters. I'm not talkin' remakes or reboots; I'm spittin' 'bout new, fresh storylines with characters that are also relatively new and fresh to the franchise. Judging by your confused expression, I'll provide suggestions:

Spider-Man 4: Green Goblin's private weapons manufacturing corporation has gone underground to enlist a society of genetic engineers that catch on to Petey Parker's racket. They capture him, extract his DNA, and build an army of spider-men to send overseas to fight in the war against the New Axis of Evil. Unfortunately, Peter becomes a shell of himself in the process and secludes himself in a remote destination. Though the Spider-Men military force is initially successful, the long term effects cause the veterans to lose their mind and turn on anyone not infused with the Spider DNA. To battle the Spider-Men, Parker's high school foe Flash Thompson is enlisted after his suicide attempt (making him sympathetic to the audience) completely transforms him, unlocking a dormant super power he can "lend" to others. Spidey 5 sees Flash's powers go dormant again but one of the people he touched permanently inherited them. You could eventually come full circle back to Parker and Mary Jane.

Fight Club 2: Tyler's plan works. Everyone's debt is erased. Fight clubs go legit, become incredibly profitable ventures. Scandals are exposed within the government, corruption gone, that is until the Ivy school educated son of a major bank's CEO vows revenge. Material possessions define him (think Patrick Bateman) and he misses the life of luxury that Tyler's new egalitarian society can no longer support. He rises through the ranks of the now PROFESSIONAL Fight Club League and uses his powers to enter politics and win a seat in the Senate. Throughout it all, his girlfriend supports him until the climactic shocker where he finds out his girlfriend doesn't exist - she died years ago. #3 focuses on dead girlfriend's twin sister and her quest to bring CEO's son down.

American Beauty 2: We follow Ricky Fitz as his extremely successful G13 weed farm begins to show cracks in its foundation. Jane's self doubt leads to a bad boob job in which she dies from a leaky implant. DEA agent (the son of The King of Real Estate) is hot on the trail. Focus would be on DEA agent in #3.

This formula has been done before - American Pie did it with #4, 5, and 6, however, it was a bit of a stretch. A good example would be US Marshals, the follow up to The Fugitive. They're called "spiritual successors" (or sometimes "informal sequels") and I think they are the cure for what ails cinema. TV has spin-offs. Most times, those spin-offs are unsuccessful (see "Joey") but there are some that catch on ("Frasier"). If studios and production companies invested more in expanding the storyline, exploring the depth of periphery characters that strike a chord with the audience and take them in a new direction, maybe half the world wouldn't groan when they see a sequel. Reboots will lose their luster. Spiritual successors sound cool. Hopefully, Deadpool won't suck and prove my point it can be achieved on a blockbuster scale.

Anyway, what a long f'n way to introduce "Get Him To The Greek" the informal, spiritual follow up to "Forgetting Sarah Marshall." Whereas the characters in FSM have run their course (for now), Sarah Marshall's sex animal rock star ex Aldous Snow played by Russell Brand hasn't. And having Jonah Hill realize his dream of becoming his assistant is a great way to launch this new storyline (though Wikipedia tells me he's playing a 'new' character - that's lame). People are familiar with the characters and they made a decent enough impression on audiences to sustain their attention for 2 hours. Nicholas Stoller, FSM's writer/director, also is credited with penning and helming the follow up.

The first trailer has just been unleashed on the Tri-dub, which I picked up from Screen Junkies:

She's Out of My League Red Band Trailer

Red means it's good, people. This movie makes frequent use of the widely debated hotness rating system. I've been known to be far too generous with my ratings. Most critics believe my ratings are almost always 2 points higher than the average. Catholic high school and an almost-Ivy will do that to a man. Anyway, I don't make many predictions. Back in early April 2009, I went out on a limb when I saw the trailer for The Hangover and said it would be the best comedy of the year. Was it? You tell me.

So, here I am again, telling you Amercia, that "She's Out Of My League" scheduled for theatrical release on Friday, March 12th, will NOT be best the comedy of 2010. BUT it will be in the top 5, if not top 3. You have one of the dudes from Cloverfield (guy holding camera entire time) and the poor man's Justin Long who made a decent living on Freaks and Geeks then in Undeclared and in one of my favorite movies of all-time - The Rules of Attraction as OD'ing gay kid.I really shouldn't say poor man's - dude was in Tropic Thunder and Knocked Up. They're about even. Do I smell a movie starring Justin Long and Jay Baruchel who begin as best of friends then become mortal enemies? F*cking A, I should be a producer.


She's Out of My League Trailer Red Band - Watch more Movie Trailers

Rating a movie about ratings? It's called "Next Level" blogging, blowhards! BTW, I'd give her a 12.